Betty ford says i'm here all night
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
