Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
