I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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