break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
