If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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