i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
