come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
