So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
