The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
