I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
