3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
