She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
