I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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