i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
bring money and cleavage
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
