I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize