The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
