great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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