I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
