I like to think it a success when the cops are called
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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