the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
