so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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