yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You did what with his pubic hair?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
