it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
time to smoke my breakfast
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
