I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
