His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
