i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
