they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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