Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
