RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize