You made me cry and you don't even care
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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