Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
