I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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