So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
