Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
