My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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