Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
