i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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