Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize