I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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