ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
