Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
