only if we run a train.
done.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
