walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
