We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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