Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize