he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
