Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
