Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
