Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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