i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
