508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i came on her dog
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
