I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
