To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
