we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
