I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
