I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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