I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
