No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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