I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
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