Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
