we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
