My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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