someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
