I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
