dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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