Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
