so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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