I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
