Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
