were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
