yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
