I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
