I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize