oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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