I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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