i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
