College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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