I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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