dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
