lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Buhtt sex?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
