Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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