i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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