yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
