Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
whose ass print is on the piano?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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