but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Edward fifth and chaser hands
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
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