I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize