It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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