I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Tell her she can't have a vagina
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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