If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
